This is what I would look like on a soap. I look more like this guy than any of the chicks on those shows. (Except he has better cheekbones...)
So, I did this reading last night of a play a friend of mine wrote, and a guy from CBS Casting came. Normally this would be totally exciting, especially since my adorable friend Paul said, "Carolyn, I think you're gonna get a sitcom out of this!" (Cuz everybody knows Ray Romano got his sitcom as a result of a reading he did of "Romeo and Juliet." He was the Friar - hilarious!) Turns out, though, the guy was from Daytime Casting, as in SOAP OPERAS. Now, I got nothing against workin' on a soap opera, believe me. The money is good and the work is steady and you get a brand new script every day so that keeps it interesting. But I just don't think I'm the right type for soaps. I mean, how many soaps feature chubby late-20 somethings? The only one I can think of that might work for me is The Bold and the Beautiful, because at least I fall into the first category. A wacky pregnant chick with a white-girl afro is nothing if not bold, eh? So, casting guy, if you're reading this (and I know you are) you can totally put me on your soap. My only request is that I get to play a set of twins, one pure who married the rich guy's son out of love even though everyone thinks she's just using him for his money since she is having her ex-boyfriend's baby who she still sort of loves but only because he took her in after her parents died in a fire, and the other who just came to Rivington from Turkmenistan (thus justifying the moustache and armpit hair.) Of course the twins will have to meet each other and be shocked and all of that, but I think the Soviet chick should go crazy and start dressing as the other one and then steal the baby after it's born. What do you think?
Screw casting, maybe I should become a writer? These soap plots are like second nature to me. My grandmother would be so proud. She raised me on Wonder Bread and General Hospital. LONG LIVE LUKE AND LAURA!
*UPDATE: Okay, you have got to click on the Luke and Laura link because apparently Luke raped Laura - and then they got married! (I obviously never saw that episode or was 2 1/2 and had no idea what was going on...) PLUS! Roseanne fricking Barr was on GH back in the day! WHAT?! THERE IS HOPE FOR ME.......