Tuesday, July 04, 2006

A Novel Idea

It's been a slow week for blogging because we moved into our new apartment this weekend. And unpacking box after box, book after half-read book (Paris Opera/Baltimore Aquarium/John Brown Wax Museum bookmark still in place) got me thinking about how few novels I've actually read from start to finish in my life.

They are:

Harry Potter I
Harry Potter II

No, I don't know the actual names of these books. I think Year One might be called "The Goblet of Fire" and Year Two is called "Next Year When I'm Old Enough I Want Hermione to Play with My Snake."

I've also read:

The Girl With the Pearl Earring
About a Boy

And I read both of them before the films were even made, a-thank you very much.

Plus:

One of the Huck Finn books - I think.
The Bible

Novels that I skimmed/pretended to read for classes in high school yet somehow still got A's on the associated papers:

Sister Carrie
The Scarlet Letter
Anything and everything by Dickens
One of the Huck Finn books - I think.

I have, however, been a fairly voracious reader of non-fiction for quite some time, so don't worry that the only thing I've ever read cover to cover is US Weekly. (I read Life & Style, too.)

Now, I must have about ten half-heartedly started books in my room right now that I really should finish.

They are (in no particular order):

Title: Citizen Girl by Emma McLaughlin & Nikola Kraus (the authors of the bestselling "The Nanny Diaries.")

Page I left off on: 36.

Reason: The Hartford Courant says, "The humor is sharper than a stiletto heel and the outrage is palpable." Yeah, my outrage at the fact that I actually spent money on what is effectively toilet paper with 10 point Times New Roman all over it. (Okay, maybe it's 12 point.)

Bookmark: The front sleeve.

Title: Walking on Water, subtitled Reflections on Faith and Art by Madeline L'Engle.

Page I left off on: 105.

Reason: A gift from one of my voice teachers in college. I stopped reading when she RSVP'd yes to my wedding and then never showed. That plate of chicken cost me $50!

Bookmark: A half-used sheet of Hello Kitty stickers.

Title: Stealing Jesus, subtitled How Fundamentalism Betrays Christianity by Bruce Bawer.

Page I left off on: 105.

Reason: Bush got elected. Again.

Bookmark: A picture of Aspen trees that says Colorado. (Are you listening, HBO? Surely you must be looking for more semi-literate comedians for the Blue Collar Comedy Book Tour.)

Title: Haven by Ruth Gruber, subtitled The Dramatic Story of 1,000 World War II Refugees and How They Came to America.

Page I left off on: 201.

Reason: Nobody died.

Bookmark: A gold star of David that reads "Jood." KIDDING! It's a silver cross.

I don't know why I stopped reading this book. It's great and I really need to finish it. I think this one will be first on my (Schindler's) list of completion. It's about my hometown and how we sheltered Jews and other refugees during the War. It's the one thing we have to be proud of besides snow.

Title: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Page I left off on: 193.

Reason: Nobody got laid.

Bookmark: A yellow postcard acknowledging receipt of my application for the University of Cincinnati College-Conservatory of Music for 1999. (It was for a Master's Degree in Vocal Performance. Needless to say, I was a little unsure of my future back then, and becoming an opera singer seemed like the thing to do. It's certainly a more stable career than becoming, say, a temp.)

Title: The Hobbit or There and Back Again by Peter Jackson J.R.R. Tolkien

Page I left off on: 210

Reason: What? I'm sorry - was I supposed to be answering a question? I think I fell asleep...

Bookmark: The back sleeve.

Title: Woman by Natalie Angier

Page I left off on: 197.

Reason: I got over my lesbian phase.

Bookmark: A picture of a baby giving the middle finger that says, "Scheiss Milch... Ich Will Bier!" Talk about your foreshadowing!

Title: The Orchid Thief by Susan Orlean.

Page I left off on: 129.

Reason: I couldn't keep track of all the Nicholas Cages.

Bookmark: Ticket stub for Adaptation.

Please note: This blog post is not so much a memoir as it is a work of fiction. Some of the facts may be embellished for comedic effect. Like the fact that I got over my lesbian phase, for example.