Chickens are Decent People

Carlin keeps coming up in my daily life. In conversations with friends, in articles I read, in my general thoughts. Maybe he'll be like a VanGogh - someone who experiences an enormous amount of fame once he's dead. I mean, he certainly had legions of fans while he was living, but I think people who hadn't been exposed to him might now realize just how prolific, profound and brave he really was. Initially I typed fearless instead of brave, but one of the truer things I've ever heard is that quote about bravery: Being brave is not about having no fear. It's about being afraid of something and doing it anyway. (Thus proving bravery = stupidity? Perhaps. But what good is it to be smart if you never take risks? No risk, no reward. No reward... no obesity report from the doctor. And that's funny.)

I'm at a crossroads right now where my personal and professional lives seem to be veering away from each other. So what does that mean? Should I just give up on the dream I've had since I was a little girl? Of living in New York City? I remember wanting to come to New York before I even knew what or where it was. But as an abstract idea - NEW. YORK. CITY. - it's been inside me for as long as I can recall. I asked my Mom when I was 6 or so if she would take me to New York City, and she said she would, for my 15th birthday. My 15th birthday came and went, and I hadn't much left my hometown. But I remembered that promise, and my desire was still there. I finally made it to New York for the first time when I was in college. I remember arriving... driving at night down the canyon of buildings that converge in Times Square. It was completely overwhelming - like that scene in The Wizard of Oz when they first see the Emerald City. I knew something huge was happening, and not just outside of me, but inside me, too.

I remember moving here to New York, praying with my friend and roommate Angie, trying to banish the demons out of Astoria (and who doesn't feel there are demons in Astoria?) as we listened to the trucks tumble and zoom across the Triboro Bridge. We were country girls who'd never been inside such a tumultuous place. Even though it was frightening, we stayed.

But now, I no longer have an official residence here, and it scares me to death. Everything I ever imagined I'd do I thought I'd do here. My daughter was born here. I found comedy here. I found friends here. I found myself here, on the streets of Harlem, no less. Everything I am is New York. New York State, New York City. I'm an East Coast girl.

So what now? Of course, in this day and age, a person can live anywhere and "be famous." (Thank you, Internet, I guess.) But that doesn't mean a person can live anywhere and be happy. But being happy has come second to being responsible for all the generations before me, so why should I be spared? Why shouldn't I have to suffer and struggle for my kid like everyone else? New York is expensive, and babies are, too. Why do you think so many people here are single? It's the only way they can afford to stay. (Or, as my friend Jen Dziura put it a few weeks ago, "New York was not made for families. That's why there are turnstiles.")

Now - how does this all relate to George Carlin? Well, watching Carlin has made me realize that there's more to being a comedian and performer than just living in New York. Or LA. Or Shanghai. (I mean, do they even have comedy in Shanghai? Who knows?) But that's the point. What it takes to be a comedian is honesty, strength, integrity and a willingness to put yourself out there in a way that details human foibles. Comedy is not about "the industry." Comedy is about the truth. And the truth, it turns out, is inherently laughable.

This is not to say that I'm content to retire to the country or that I won't be in New York often, because I will, thanks to the generosity of friends and their pull-out couches. It's just to say that I have a lot of truths of my own to deal with, truths that I have been wanting to turn into a solo show for a long time. I've been in the right location, but what I've lacked is the bravery to do it. Oh sure, I'm pretty bold in my stand-up, but stand-up is stand-up - no matter what you say, you're still telling jokes. A solo show is different. It's about something more. And Carlin had a way of turning his one hour stand-up specials into solo shows. He was theatrical and poignant - he didn't really tell jokes. He was also fiercely feminist, which moves me in a way that I can't even describe. Well, yes I can. It gives me hope. Hope that through bravery and honesty we can change ourselves. Hope that there is a value in sharing ourselves with other people because in doing so, one simply affirms the importance of life, even, in George's case, while highlighting the pomposity of humans and the entropic nature of it all. Listening to George has helped me deal with my father's death and with my own anxiety because he so eloquently takes the pressure off. This clip from Jammin' in New York really just says it all:



http://youtube.com/watch?v=eScDfYzMEEw

"The planet is fine. The people are fucked. The planet isn't going anywhere. We are. Pack your shit, folks. We're goin' away..."

"The planet will be here for a long, long, looooong time after we're gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, cuz that's what it does: it's a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed, and if it's true that plastic is not degradable well the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm, the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn't share our prejudice towards plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn't know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old philosophical question, "Why are we here?" PLASTIC... assholes."

And that, by the way, was taped in 1992. Take that, Anya Hindmarch.

And now, for the clip that originally inspired this post. George Carlin on abortion and women as second-class citizens, taken off Louis CK's site as I was surfing this morning:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrXvDXVhqfU

"Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. After that they don't wanna know about you. They don't wanna hear from you, no nothin'. No neo-natal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothin'. If you're pre-born, you're fine. If you're pre-school, you're fucked."

"They're not pro-life, you know what they are? They're anti-woman.... You don't see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uteruses, do ya? No. You don't see 'em adoptin' a whole lotta crack babies, do ya? No - that might be something Christ would do."