On why you should always use Google Maps when looking for apartments on Craig's List

I sent an email to a "Liz Daniel" yesterday about a (too-good-to-be-true) deal in Long Island City. 2 bedrooms in a loft for $1000. Now, first of all, I understand that the terms "2 bedroom" and "loft" are incongruous, but let's just chalk that oversight up to my excitement. There is no excuse, however, for the fact that I didn't actually check Google Maps for the address - "5-09 48th Avenue 4B." I mean, I've lived in Queens before - I should have known that "5-09" doesn't exist. But Craig's List brings out the bargain hunter in me and I get blinded by my own zeal. It's like shopping at Daffy's - you really should know there's no way you'll find anything of worth, despite their claim of having "Clothing Bargains for Millionaires," but you look anyway and you end up buying the hot pink rain slicker because, well, it fit, and it was only $30, and you forgot to wear a jacket even though your mother told you it was going to rain today.

By the way, Daffy's recently changed their slogan to "High Fashion, Low Prices," which is just as well, because let's face it - millionaires don't need clothing bargains, and if they were going to bother to seek them out, I doubt they'd do it at a glorified Marshalls.

And speaking of Marshalls... if you're a regular person thinking of going to Harlem to look for a deal, don't. I was there last week. Sure, they're having a 50% off sale. But the only thing I found worth procuring was a glove. One. I guess in Marshalls corporate lingo, 50% off means half a pair of gloves, but that hardly seems fair. The fingers on my right hand are so cold!

This is the response I got about the apartment:

Hello Dear,

Thanks for the reply and interest in my apartment,We are the
owner of the house you are making inquiry of.

NOTE THAT : We are
presently out of the USA.
You can drive to see the apartment BUT the only
problem is that you can only view the apartment from outside and will not be
able to gain access to see the inside.
The keys and the documents of the
house are here and we shall get it shipped to you via COURIER SERVICE as soon as
you are ready to move in
Like we told you, everything in the apartment is
very OK Actually I resided in the house with my family,My husband and 5 yrs
daugther before and presently we had packed out due to my transfer from my
church branch and now situated in London .

Presently, we are having
church branched in London and part of Africa.
We want to rent out the
apartment.Our house is available now for rent at $1000 with a deposit a security
deposit of $500.

The amenities include the Utilities like Hydro,washer,
internet facilities etc.
Our house is well funished and the address of my
house is
Address :
5-09 48th Avenue 4B,
Long Island City, NY 11101
USA

So i will solicit for your absolute maintenance of this apartment
and want you to treat it as yours,i hope this is very clear to you is not all
about the money,but i want you to keep it tidy all the time so that i will be
glad to see it neat when ever we visit US.
You can FILL this below
APPLICATION FORM :
RENT APPLICATION FORM.
Also,Pls let me get this
answer.

1) Your Full Name :

2) Your Full Address & Phone
Number :

3) How old are you? :

4) Are you married? :

5)
How many people will be living in the house?:

6) Do you have a pet?:

7) Do you have a car?:

8) Occupation? :

9)What is your
religion? :

10) Your prefer move in date :

This information will
enable us to proceed with the issuance of the receipt and to know you more.

You can call my husband on his Direct telephone number 0092348073742381
or on his email address :
pastorjohndaniel@sify.com

I await your
response.

God bless you

Mrs Liz Daniel

Now, despite the religious tone of the email, my zeal finally wore off when I figured out I was being snowed. I don't know what's worse: the line about only being able to see the apartment from the outside, or that "she" thinks New Yorkers drive, or that "she" thinks anyone would be dumb enough to be shipped the keys via COURIER SERVICE?! (Nice caps there. Great effect. Oooh, will it be UPS? Or FEDEX? Who knows?! Maybe DHL, since she's in London - or Africa. I can hardly wait to receive the keys to the apartment I've never seen at an address that doesn't exist! Now I better hurry and wire the $10,000 security deposit to her bank in Nigeria...)

Oh, no. I know what the worst part is. This was sent by some dude in India who is pretending to be married to a DEAD PREACHER. I mean, come on! I'm not gonna rent from a dead guy. That's just absurd!

But if anybody hears of another 2 bedroom loft for $1000, let me know. Cuz that sounds pretty sweet.